


I'm  just curious, is it serious ?

by Ilovegreen007



Category: Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko (Music Video)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 22:13:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14680527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilovegreen007/pseuds/Ilovegreen007
Summary: Chapter 1 extended"You'd think after beating the bad guy and kissing the girl, happily ever was supposed to come right after.Wrong.Because this isn't a fairytale and you weren't a prince. You were a modern day, mostly normal, completely average teenage girl who just somehow had the audacity to fall in love with her best friend.Your best friend who happened to also be a girl. "If only happily ever after was so simple.I added to the first part.First part  Growing up. Falling in love.Second part. Years later, reflecting on the past , a glimpse into what comes next.





	I'm  just curious, is it serious ?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to get back into this writing thing. I've recently made a career change which has given me more time to once again pursue this particular passion of mine, I apologise and ask understanding in advance as I feel quite rusty. But I will try my best and hopefully finish all the stories I started.

** Coley  **

 

You'd think after beating the bad guy and kissing the girl, happily ever was supposed to come right after.

 

Wrong.

Because this isn't a fairytale and you weren't a prince. You were a modern day, mostly normal, completely average teenage girl who just somehow had the audacity to fall in love with her best friend.

Your best friend who happened to also be a girl.

A girl who also happened to have a boyfriend. A boyfriend that you had in no uncertain terms beaten to a pulp.

 

Surprising yes, a petite girl such as yourself tackling a grown-ass almost man, an athlete, a baseball player no less. But at the time totally possible, your anger had no limits, you couldn't be held back, size, and all other factors be damned.

But you had felt strong, powerful. Like a heroine, standing tall and sure, brave for once.

When she had looked at you afterwards (truth be told every time she looked at you there was something; a deep almost quiet belief like she was seeing something more,something ethereal. She's regarding you with-would dare say-with a sort of worship, with a certain reverence, with love.

She looked and seemingly saw you- all of you, every part of you: as you were, who you were now, even as everything you could or ever hope to be- and accepted it fully.

Flashback to that day she walked into your life. From that first moment she singled you out, you became truly extraordinary to someone. She the new girl who every girl and boy absolutely lusted after that first day of 8th grade, chose for whatever reason to sit by you, to talk to you then later befriend you or recruit you to be her best friend. A position no one had ever been more grateful for. A position she claims was never extended to anyone prior to you.

She tells you she felt just felt it. That you were meant to be more than passing acquaintances.

 

** _Sonya_ **

 

You see her and somehow you can't look away. It's that smile that comes out so rarely, it's powerful, breathtaking...blinding. her whole aura exudes something foreign to you. innocence...

 

** Coley  **

Years past and Sonya was still that way; mysterious, casual, exuberant, impulsive- knowing.A force of nature that pulled everyone in.

She gently pulls you along and you follow willingly, though sometimes it feels like you had no choice(like somehow you're at the end of a string, tethered by some invisible force) of course, something you're more than grateful for(it was always a fear that she'd come to her senses one day and just leave and move on to someone else, unaffected and easy. Without explanations) but it never happened, thankfully. You wouldn't know how you would survive.

 

** _Sonya_ **

 

She was everything to you. She was your best friend. Sole confidant. She knew you inside out and somehow loved you for it, she understood you more than anyone ever has, even the people you had known prior to this town, she was more accepting of every part of you than your own flesh and blood.

She was your very own ball of absolute sunshine. Your dimpled, goofball. Absolutely adorable and yet she hated being called that. You won't admit to yourself that you love teasing her, getting a rise out of her, affecting her.

It's a satisfying payback, some sort of justice to get back at her and her almost dizzying effect on you. She's too much. She and everyone else refers to you as a force of nature. Something huge, extravagant never failing to catch and maintain attention.

But if that were so, then she was it turn, your gravity, keeping things steady, rooting you, holding you so that you don't drift away.

Everytime you look into those eyes and see that dimpled smile, its gets all more harder.

_**Coley** _

She was your better-looking, more outgoing half. Somehow if you could summon it up you'd be somewhat jealous if of her. But you can't be. Not when you know how much of an act it all was. How discontented and unhappy she was with everything. She shows you how the perfect, flawless girl that they all admire is simply a China doll, merely a beautifully painted face used to hide, to distract from the fragility, the chips just hiding  under the surface.

One time she shows you barely healed scars, lines on her wrists. You ask her to stop. She tells you she can't. She doesn't know how. She's like that, it's her weakness. She jumps into things full speed ahead without any thought for consequences.

You tell her that she doesn't have to go through it alone that whatever plagues her you can be there for her, you can help her. She could feel free to call you, and any time of the day or night that she had any negative thoughts any at all you would go to her. Come find her and pull her from her darkest nightmares.

You're always ready for that phone call, to get up and pull a jacket over your pajamas and bike to her. She keeps her window open and it's easy to shush her to kiss away her tears, to promise that you'll be there no matter what, that you love her. Cos that's all true. And yet, not the entire truth, it's harder over time, to hold her and not to tell her that you're in love with her.

Your heart breaks along with her sobs, it hurts because she's hurt. It hurts that you love your beautiful doll, flaws and all. You love her but you just can't tell her.

She needs someone to want her, accept her fully, and to not expect things from her.

Everyone else already does that, as much as it pains you to hold it in, It's for the best.

Being her friend should be enough-is enough. Even when it isn't.

 

_**Sonya** _

 

She inflicts to pain to herself...its a cycle that started when her father and mother used to fight. When her father used to verbally abuse her mother, then later on when her Mother leaves them.

Being told she wasn't good enough, that she was just a face, just like her mother, good for little else.

Hearing the same words over and over again, they tend to stick, tend to become her own words, tend to be her innermost thoughts, belittling, tormenting her always.

Never letting up even when she presses the blade into her skin, when she feel the sharp sting, the warmth pooling down, the vibrant hue staining the porcelain sink.

Stained. No longer pure or perfect and untouched. This was the truth, who she truly was.

Pain. She deserves it.

She falls into it with Trenton.

She goes, content with not caring, or not wanting to care but failing…she cares and then she doesn't- she numbs it however she can. She lives in and for the moment, for temporary highs. She gets her kicks from vices…

The more forbidden the more she craves it.

From drugs, to alcohol, to boys.

Coley is forbidden, that goes without saying but that's not why she wants her.

There are so many reasons, too many to list down. But Coley was everything bright and good and beautiful in her world of dank, despair and darkness.

She was the light that drew her closer. She has always told herself that good things are temporary, the bad chases all the good away.

So when she finally admits to herself that she actually wants something. Something good. Something pure and untouchable. Real. The only one who could make her feel things against her own better judgements. Coley was weakness, the worst kind. She made her hope and that in itself was scary. Hoping and wanting gets you nowhere. Her natural instinct is to run, to burry herself in something else.

_**Coley** _

 

Harold Trenton Jr.- you understand why he went by his last name-by all standards was a shining example of manhood, the vice chairs son, honor roll, all American star athlete.

But underneath it all he had a mean, violent streak especially after a couple or beers ...a couple of beers he did have. And then some. And then some more.

He also had some bit of a reputation with the ladies, so naturally Sonya had been curious. She had felt drawn to him. She wanted to get to know him.

You remembered asking if it was the same way she had been to you. You remember her shaking her head and kissing you on the nose. “No, no one comes close to you.”

So. she did bag him, you saw it happen. And you regret letting it.

You regret a lot of things.

Time you wasted on denying you were gay, denying you ever had feelings for girls, for your best friend.

Denying that she could ever love you back.

 

_**Sonya** _

 

It's easier just accepting things

Accepting him as what could make you happy.

Accepting this was all you ever could be Accepting that she could never love you back Accepting that she was better off away from your mess.

 

_**Coley** _

The worst regret was in your accepting that she had chosen someone else, someone who didn't know her, didn't deserve, love her the way she should be loved.

Regret that you hadn't fought for her, that you made sure there had been no fight.

Somehow you gave up on her and let her fall into the hands of the beast.

But no more. The time for regrets was over. 

It felt like redemption when you bled for her, fought for her. At last you're brave and strong and everything she'd thought she'd somehow seen in you.

_**Sonya** _

It feels like absolution, forgiveness when you get to touch her and she lets you.

It feels like you'd waited forever, there's a sigh of finality when your lips meet.

There's a weightlessness when she pulls you in closer foregoing questions and yet providing all the answers, the same answer.

Why now?

I Love you

Where do we go from here?

I Love You

Are we still friends?

I LOVE YOU.

_**Coley** _

You wrap your arms around her as her whole body is wracked with sobs. You own tears join with hers." I love you," you whisper fervently into her hair as she clings to you tightly, painfully the gripping you feel clenching around your heart never to be let loose.

You mean it with very fiber of your being. Her pained eyes are branded into your very being. Never will you let anyone (let alone you) be the cause of those eyes again.

You make silent promises to her

“I won't ever hurt you.”

“I won't ever leave you.”

“You promise?” she asks before drifting off to sleep.

“Always.” you answer, your response floating up unheard into the summer night.

 

You hate yourself for breaking those promises all on one go.

 

_**Coley** _   
  
You hate yourself for breaking those promises all in one go.   
  
It was all to good to last. That kiss that felt like forever. Like your happily ever. It wasn't meant to be.   
  
You should've known Trenton couldn't keep his fat swollen mouth shut.   
  
There were school boards. There were parents:his, hers, yours.   
  
Two young girls. One an obvious bad influence attacking the vice chairs son.   
  
You couldn't even defend yourself. No one believed you. Sonya did, but what did it matter, the damage was done. You were to be sent away...your whole family had to uproot their lives because of you.    
  
You didn't even get to say goodbye. Your parents-her mother-had seen to that.   
  
Your phone, internet privileges were revoked.   
  
Still you found ways to maintain contact.   
  
You had to be creative with it, using an old phone that you paid for on your own with some cheap plan with unlimited mins,  emailing sometimes at apple stores, every other week going old school with writing letters.   
  
You rebelled.  You kicked and screamed and let everyone know how unfair it was.    
  
Your parents-they couldn't understand you.   
  
They couldn't see.   
  
How everything had changed..and you had changed along with it. How she had made you want to be brave, want to fight for your love   
  
You were no longer the Coley that they knew and that scared them.   
  
Their daughter wasn't a nuisance, wasn't brash, wasn't gay-wasn't this girl standing before them.   
  
They did what they could to change you back.   
  
They sent you to one of those gay camps. Brought you to church to talk to a pastor.   
  
They didn't know how futile it all was.   
  
How even thru weeks that turned into  months- even as your rebelling grew silent-the flame still burned as brightly as before.   
  
You remember that last night together. The first and last time you both had acted without any restrictions. How for that brief moment everything seemed possible.   
  
That one promise of Always.   
  
You held on to that.   
  
You had endured it all. For her.   
  
But another much stronger force started to make the flames flicker to be replaced with fear, doubt and resentment- It was time slowly but effectively eating it away.     
  
Time begot dwindling texts, the perfunctory emails and the empty calls.   
  
It started to become work,     
  
You started to feel like the only one in the relationship   
  
The only one making an effort.   
  
What was the point of fighting if there was no one left fighting for.   
  
  
  
_**Sonya** _   
  
  
  
You felt alone   
  
Abandoned   
  
Desperate to get out but helpless to do anything about it.   
  
Your mother had barely been tolerable before- and now, now she was everything you hated about yourself and someone you never ever wanted to become.   
  
She had always been obsessed with money and status, and her perfectly put together image. Ever since your dad and her separated she struggled to maintain her power. She was still a respected member of the community.  Single mother now raising her teenage daughter. She held on desperately to that shred of who she was.   
  
She was controlling. Her love always came at a cost.   
  
If you weren't the daughter she wanted you to be she starved you of affection.   
  
Now she hardly looked at you.  There was always disgust there. Like she'd erase your very existence, your connection if she could.   
  
You wish she'd just get it over with. End both your misery.   
  
  
  
_**Coley** _   
  
  
  
You always knew she'd be the one to get over you first.   
  
Cos she was Sonya-mythic creature who you never would've dared to want for yourself. You always knew that her, her friendship her associating herself with you was too good to last.   
  
Your greatest fear was that she would grow tired of you. So you always made the extra effort to keep her.   
  
You used to hate upsetting her, even getting into an argument with her made your stomach coil and make you feel like it wanted to launch it's entire contents out into the world.   
  
So you never did.  You were quiet and careful and always catering and adjusting to her and her needs.   
  
Because you loved her with all your heart. You'd do anything for her happiness. Even the worst things. Even sacrificing your own.   
  
You had never stepped out of your situation to see how bad it was-how crazy she made you.   
  
  
  
_**Sonya** _   
  
  
  
Coley’s letters kept you sane.   
  
But they also bred something more sinister   
  
It also became an obsession. Made you feel desperate, made you angry. So angry at your situation. At the world. At her.   
  
Why did it happen to you?   
  
Why did you have to get the short end of the stick?   
  
She got out.   
  
She got to move on and start anew.   
  
You,  you were left with the aftermath of it all.    
  
The popular girl turned dyke who tried to run away with her best friend, who was crazy enough to choose the nerd over their beloved golden boy.   
  
At that you scoff, there was nothing beloved or golden about Trenton.   
  
Sure in the outside he was everything a girl would want, a parent would love.   
  
He was, in name alone, a somebody.   
  
And to add to that he was an all star athlete and he didn't do bad with his grades. If the almost 4.0 GPA had anything to say about it.   
  
And they called Coley the big nerd.   
  
But.  There came a big but.  He was also cruel and twisted. Like a true psychopath he was charming with it. Hid it well at first. Till that first flight when his raw fury caught you be surprise.   
  
How he screamed and slammed his hand against a table and broke the glass and still blamed you for it. For making him mad.   
  
He later blamed the alcohol as well.     
  
He never took the blame, always pinned it on someone else. Always talked himself out of anything.   
  
The story he made up about Coley was one for the books though.   
  
How he painted himself the slighted one, how his anguish over his broken heart he let this crazed girl beat him up so he could feel the physical pain over the emotional one.   
  
How you were the only girl he had really loved.   
  
How you took advantage of him, experimented on him. Played with him knowing fully well you were gay.   
  
He was still willing to take you back though.   
  
He said as much, announcing it one afternoon to the ready ears of the whole cafeteria, with a little smirk and an evil glint in his eyes loving the audience and the attention-but just getting off at your embarrassment.   
  
You don't know why you pause-feel your stomach churn as you find yourself actually considering it.   
  
You're feeling your mother’s hold.  How she forced you towards other boys, forced you to make amends with Trenton and his family.   
  
For your future she had said.   
  
He could make all the mess go away,  his parents, their connections could get you into any school you wanted.   
  
After all the harassment at school, the worst kind of attention, the harsh looks and lewd comments-it almost makes you want to give in.   
  
Before he laughs in your face,   
  
“You really think I'd take you back you stupid bitch? I don't take a lesbo’s sloppy seconds.”   
  
You feel the echoing laughter around you.   
  
You feel that anger that you kept bottled in slowly rising to the surface.  All that resentment, helplessness, that fire you had tried so hard to tame start to break through.   
  
You remind yourself to keep quiet. You promised you would keep your head low until college and you could move away from this hell.   
  
You breathe slowly in and out letting the anger, the heat fade.   
  
“Hey, dyke-i'm talking to you. Don't you know only a big fat cock can satisfy? Did she try to stick her dirty, short fingers in you?”   
  
“I'd take her fingers over your tiny crayola dick any day.”   
  
You hear laughter at his expense and feel a quiet satisfaction.   
  
You see his glare and know you would pay for that. But for that one second of shock on his stupidly smug face-it almost felt worth it.   
  
Senior year was a year and a half away. It felt like it couldn't come soon enough.   
  
  
  
You hated this.  Hated everything and everyone in your life. What was new? But at least back then you had Coley.   
  
  
  
Now you're not even sure of that anymore.   
  
  
  
_**Coley** _   
  
  
  
Little by little all the things that didn't used to matter began to matter more than ever.   
  
In the space of time and distance and things left unsaid.   
  
Of broken promises.   
  
Of knowing your failures. With the constant reminder, the guilt hanging over your heads at the difference of your plights.   
  
And guilt you did feel. Despite what was going on with your parents, your new school was actually an improvement from Beachwood prep. The people here weren't so small minded and jaded.  And your smarts weren't looked down upon or scoffed at.   
  
You actually started to thrive and come into your own. Coley Stevens would never be the “it” girl, you'd accepted that, but now that you had your own respectable group that accepted you with open arms you felt finally free.   
  
You didn't realize how content you'd been by Sonya's side, not realizing that you were staying in her shadow.   
  
Sonya who was doing the opposite of thriving- she was sinking lower and lower-a fact that she would never let you forget.   
  
It was getting all the more easier not to update her, to just keep quiet about all the good things going on in your life so as not to bring up her own struggles.   
  
You started to resent her. She was supposed to be your best friend too.   
  
If you couldn't call her to tell her things about you what use was she.     
  
  
  
_**Sonya** _   
  
  
  
You can't tell anyone about what just happened.   
  
How you were cornered, how you said, “No”, but still he didn't listen.   
  
You allowed yourself to get too comfortable at a party with a guy from another school-someone you were friendly with-who seemed to be genuinely nice enough.   
  
He had offered you a ride home, you said yes as you were in no condition to drive- you were drunk and you felt dizzy, your head feeling heavy and your body weak( but later you realize he had spiked your drink)you didn't think this would ever happen to you. Not in your own street, not in a car parked not too far from Coley's old house-the only place you felt truly at peace. Now that memory was tarnished too.   
  
“You know you like it. C’mon you've been flirting with me the entire night.” he murmurs into your ear, his hot breath smelling of alcohol.You managed to fight him off, but still he had gotten too far, his hands had wandered past your shirt and skirt, you tried to deter him with words-till you came to your senses and swiftly kneed him in the groin.   
  
“Don't you know that No means no you Neanderthal?” you say, “Serves you right you over sexed horndog!”   
  
“Bitch!” he groans, his face purple.   
  
“Don't fucking touch me again!”   
  
You're steeling yourself against the disgust you feel, unwilling to play the victim. You're body betrays you, you're feeling yourself shaking.   
  
You’re trying to treat this lightly,  not allowing yourself to succumb to the darkness- you're not sure you'd be able to find your way out again   
  
He laughs, “I heard them say you were easy, that you would hook up with anything that moved-even your best friend wasn't off limits.”   
  
“Fuck off-” you say trying to keep your voice steady,   
  
You hate this. Hate this reminder of her.  Of who you were before and who you are now.   
  
“I felt sorry for you- you know, I thought what a shame-what a waste...the hottest chick in our town playing for the other team? That's just sad.  She really did a number on you didn't she? You used to be all that and she just took it all away. ”    
  
“And you throwing it all away for that mousy girlfriend of yours-she wasn't even anything special-”   
  
You slammed the door hard.   
  
That wasn't true. He had repeated what you have been telling yourself for months now. That Coley was to blame, that she was getting the better deal out of the two you. That she had taken it all away from you.     
  
But really...you know the truth-none of you had wanted this to happen, no one was to blame but this cruel world with close minded people. Coley never meant to hurt anyone most especially you. She had always loved you-she had given you everything. Coley had come into your life and given you meaning.   
  
Maybe you did what you could to let yourself bear with the pain of losing the best part of yourself, to survive, to be strong.   
  
Even lied to yourself.   
  
Only then in the street outside her house do you allow yourself to crack and you let yourself need her again.     
  
You call and no one answers. Straight to voicemail. One. Twice. Several times.    
  
You text.   
  
**S:Pls answer.**      
  
  
  
The reply comes hours later   
**  
C: Sorry I was in the middle of something. What's up? Do you still want me to call you back?  
**   
  
**  
S:No. It's fine.**   
  
  
  
**C:Okay. Night.**     
  
  
  
And Coley didn't bother to question further. By then you've shoved that needy feeling back, buried it all deep inside you.   
  
Your Coley would've known something was up. She'd call anyway and make things better. You both promised nothing would change. But it seemed she had, she wasn't yours any longer.    
  
You enter your house and head to your parents-well your dad’s liquor cabinet.   
  
Well no one else was enjoying it.  Might as well.   
  
This was going to be a long lonely weekend. What was new? You brush away at your face feeling the moisture of the cold drink accumulated at your hands blending with the ones starting to trickle down your face.   
  
  
**  
_Coley_   
**   
  
  
That night, after nearly two weeks of silence, she calls you.   
  
From her first unsteady breath into the receiver you can already tell she's drunk and worse-that she'd been crying.   
  
“Coley-Are you there? Please be there.” her voice small, sounding vulnerable and needy something that you rarely ever heard her be when sober.   
  
“Yes,  Son...I'm here. Are you okay?” you ask cautiously.   
  
“Yeah I’m okay,” she sighs, her voice wobbly,  sounding anything but, “I just wanted to say-I-I… really miss you that's all.”   
  
You smile a little but you can't seem to shake of your nerves, there's something in her tone that makes your heart pound nervously.   
  
“I miss you too.” you say all rambling and nervous. “It's good to hear your voice again. I love that you called-”   
  
“I figured an actual spoken conversation would be good after all the texts-this way no words will be left for misinterpretation.” you laugh a little stiffly, still waiting for that shoe to drop.   
  
“How's your-” you try to finish that sentence without making it lead to anything that would set her off.   
  
“-depressing semblance of a life?” she finishes which makes you wince, “Fine thanks. My mother's in denial, she's still trying to get me to take back Trenton.”   
  
Your lip curls unpleasantly.   
  
“Like that's ever gonna happen.” you laugh,  there's too long a pause before she joins in.   
  
“Yeah I'm taken. I'm in love with my best friend. I've never been so god damn happy-” her voice cracks.   
  
And for that one moment you forget about how awkward, how strained it was talking to your best friend. You forget the resentment you felt at her blaming you for everything that had happened to her. You only wish to soothe her, to make things better.   
  
“I love you-”   
  
The next words are far from what your expected response was. “I'm so tired of this Coley.”    
  
Something turns sour, settles heavily in your stomach. The very words you most fear being spoken aloud. Only then does it dawn on you how real it was, how the love of your life was about to end things, how you'd taken her for granted and now she was about to let go and never look back.   
  
“-Of being alone against the world.” there's a vice grip on you heart at how pained she sounds.     
  
“I'm here.” you say softly.     
  
“But you're not, not really.”   
  
“That's unfair. You know I would go back if i could-” you say trying not to sound defensive and failing miserably.   
  
She makes a sound of disbelief that spurs you further.   
  
“What do you want me to do?”   
  
“Let's just  _leave_ -let’s just  _go_.  Let's just run off and be together. Take me away like you promised.”   
  
She sobs and you hate it. It hurts. It always has knowing she was in pain. Somewhere along the way you'd forgotten- no, not forgotten- just focused on your own pains and disregard hers. You had been selfish. And you want to make things right. You want to do anything, everything for her.   
  
But you couldn't do this just yet. You had no plans, nothing to go on.    
  
You were completely helpless.   
  
“And where will we go? What will we do?”   
  
“I don't know alright. I just thought we'd be together by now. “   
  
“We're still together.  You're with me on this aren't you? We just have to wait a little bit longer-College is just around the corner-    
  
You're trying not to take her seriously, you tell yourself that this was just drunk Sonya talking but you knew better than that, she always spoke freely and honestly when intoxicated.   
  
“I feel like all I'm doing is waiting and I'm just stuck, while life goes on around me…I'm barely eighteen and I feel like I've lived out the best years of my life-isn't that sad? And I don't want that feeling -It's just so heavy...i'm so tired.”     
  
“Of me?”    
  
“Of having this constant barrage of drama-I feel so restrained by it.I hate this-i hate myself-I want out-I want it to end.” you feel your heart still and your next words come out desperate,

“Hey don't talk like that…Sonya  _ just _  calm down alright don't make rash decisions-”   
  
“I  _ am _  calm, I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time. I have to end this myself.  I can't continue living like this.” you close your eyes, feeling tears well up. You're so scared of losing her,  please dear god not like this.

“Hey-wait! Don't you dare hang up on me! Are you home?”   
  
“Bye Coley. Don't come after me, I-lov- Take care of yourself, okay?”

  
The call ends. And you're panicking and you can't be. You had to act smartly and quickly.

 

You call her back to no answer.  You call her landline. And then lastly you call her mother. The line rings but no one picks up, you're just about to call the police when-

“Who is this?” you remember Sonya's mother's voice, always so pretentious and cold.

“It's Coley, Mrs Chung-”

“It's  _ Miss-  _  and I told you not to call around here any longer!” you ignore her and push forward,

“It's Sonya-she's depressed and she's drunk and she's saying crazy things!”

“What's new? She always did love the attention.”

You feel everything-the fear, the guilt and all the pent up anger suddenly and swiftly overcome you.

“ _Fuck off_  and listen, you crazy bitch!” you hear a gasp but you ignore it and push forward, “Can you for once get your head out of your ass and listen!  Your daughter is not well, she could hurt herself!”

You hear her quick intake of breath, a certain weakness leaking to her voice when she answers, “ you better not be joking about this.” before she hangs up.

 

You hear details about Sonya thru some of your old schoolmates. She got checked into the hospital and she was stable. They were going to keep her in a couple more days.

 

That very night you pack your things, throw together all the money you use saved up from baby sitting, and every odd job you'd taken,  you ask help from your only supportive relative, your nan, who gives you her blessing. You leave a note to your parents apologizing.   
  
You end up outside the hospital the next day, almost a year to the day you had biked up to Sonya's and kissed her by the pool.   
  
You're standing there minutes later trying to get let into her room. “I'm her best friend. See?” you say showing a couple pictures of the two of you during happier times.

 

“I can see that Ma'am, but in order for me to let you in, you have to be given authorization by any immediate member of family. Which you do not have.”

 

You've seen people Sonya didn't even like or know come by, even that douche Trenton who you steadily ignore and he surprisingly does the same.

You've miscalled her phone, left messages in every social media she used. And still nothing.   
  
You were starting to really worry.    
  
Felicity Chung comes to the counter, her eyes bloodshot, she smiles tiredly at the people waiting. You almost feel bad for her. But when she catches sight of you her eyes turn furious almost crazed. She leads you away from the group of people.    
  
“What are  _ you _  doing here?” you look at her in disbelief,

“ _ Excuse me _ ? We wouldn't be here at all and in these spirits if it weren't for me.”

“I admit, I do owe you a thank you for saving my daughter's life.” she says stiffly, “But I will never accept you and therefore have nothing else to say to you. You better leave or I am calling the police!"  she stands there at five foot two, forthright in her claim, trying her best to be intimidating.

You remember being scared of her before, but not anymore.    
  
"Listen we can't stand each other-I don't want to talk to you and vice versa. But Sonya called  _ me _  before all this-she  _ needs _  me. Now get out of my way!" you say brushing past her.    
  


She quickly catches up.

  
"Sonya did this  _ because _  of you. You're not good for her and she knows it,  she doesn't want to see you ever again!”   
  
"You're lying!”

“I assure you I am not-Now,  I'm no going to ask again-Leave!”   
  
“Sonya!” You scream desperately

“Madam this is a hospital! I'll have to ask you to calm yourself or I'll have to make you exit the premises!” the nurse at the counter says getting up to show you back to your seat.    
  
You brush pass and start to run towards the direction Mrs Chung had come from earlier, screaming Sonya's name.

You are blocked by two burly looking nurses.

“We don't want to have to get physical ma'am.”   


“If you don't believe me, here-”  Felicity says, handing over a small music box you'd recognised from Sonya's room.    
  


You remember she had told you of this master plan of hers way before, how she said she could make you both disappear if she had to. How she would leave a clue in her special hiding place. Her music box.

 

It was empty. All but for a note.   
  
_ Coley, _

 

_ I love you and I miss you. But, I don't like what's been happening to me. I don't like who I've become in the past year.  I'm sinking, and I don't think i can be saved. Who am I to ask you to be the one to swoop me up, and take me away as I have time and time again. _

_ I can't keep doing that to you. And I can't keep waiting for you to turn up. _

_ So I'm asking you.. Please. Set me free- let's set each other free. I need this.  _

_ I beg of you. _

 

You couldn't speak, couldn't articulate yourself enough to to fight for the two of you.    
  
Even if you could what's as the point.     
  
She told you that she felt alone, that you abandoned her.   
  
But she did the same. At least your abandoning wasn't by choice.   
  
You didn't say a word and let yourself out.

Walking out on the town and all you had loved about it for good.


End file.
